I was throwing the dog his favourite ball across the living room carpet, listening to my friend on the phone. It was easy conversation. The sun was making it’s way into my windows. And then she said something that made me dig my ear into the phone a little deeper.
“I don’t want my kids to be left behind”
And it kind of stuck to me. Because words do.
And all I could think was,
Left behind of what?
Is there a bus coming for us? Did I forget to buy tickets?
But it wasn’t just my friend who said these words. I hear them everywhere, from everyone. From all of us.
All of us who are rushing, running, striving, heaving, longing, sweating, beating, chasing, craving after this THING that’s going to leave us behind. This thing that’s making us believe we aren’t ENOUGH.
I listen to my friend speak for a long time. I hear her pure heart. I hear the love she has for her kids. I hear her. And I want to say to her, you are a good mom. You are. Not good because you’re trying so hard. Good because you just ARE. Because you love your kids. Because you kiss their faces and you squeeze them tight and you give them everything on earth that they need…your love.
The truth is, there’s no bus coming for us or our kids. There’s just this life that we carve out for ourselves. This moment and the next. And at the end of our life I’m pretty sure God doesn’t stand at the gate like the host from the Amazing Race saying congratulations you are the FIRST team to arrive.
Maybe it’s ok to go at the pace our spirit says to go. Not fast. Not slow. Just. As. You. Are.
The dog has curled up in a circle and made my pillow into his couch. The sun keeps coming in and out of the house like it forgot to say something and I sit still on the floor listening to the sound of the wind. I think of my girl and I watching all the other kids run ahead to get to the next best thing while we walk real slow, holding hands, singing silly songs, sweeping our rubber boots into puddles and I think, it’s ok.
It’s ok to be “left behind” because maybe NOT rushing ahead of everything and everyone allows us to experience the best gift there is…the gift of right now.