Zombies, couches and Jesus.

Recently I got a check in the mail from a movie production company.
I was cast to play a barfly in a zombie movie, but the director didn’t end up using me, so basically I got paid for sitting on a couch. 
And it got me thinking about sitting on couches because I tend to do a lot of that and maybe you do too?
Last year if you saw me you might have thought it was my full time job.
And it kind of was.
Because when I hear bad news or when things are unsettled, or when my heart feels heavy, I sit on the couch and pray. And when life is beautiful and things are working out well, I sit on the couch and give thanks.
That’s how I honour my life, how I fight for my people. 
But sometimes I wonder if my efforts fall short because truth be told, my mom is still sick, our friends cancer keeps coming back, people don’t seem to have boundaries or be all that kind to each other anymore and the guns keep coming for the innocent. So if my prayers aren't being answered in the ways I expect, I question myself and I think maybe I’m not doing enough. Maybe I’m not enough. Maybe I should try praying from the rooftop? 
And yet.
I hear a whisper deep inside that says:
Your prayers in secret to me are heard
by an army of angels
and don’t you see? I am paying you in grace, and love and tenderness and mercy. I am paying you in the sunset and the wind and sound of the birds calling from the treetops. I am paying you with your child's hand in yours and your neighbours friendship and the bread on your table and the breath in your body. 
I have paid FOR you and I am here WITH you. 
Grace is yours. And tenderness is yours. And I am yours. 
Your mother is mine.
Your sick friend is mine.
The lost are mine.
The broken are mine.
Because the story…is mine. 
That whisper lingers like a fog over a still lake
And I can literally hear the sound of a burden lifting.

So the check I got from the production company is on my fridge. It’s a small amount but enough to go out for a nice lunch and coffee with a friend. I’m not going to cash it just yet. I enjoy looking at each morning when I turn on the news and prepare my kids lunches for the day. It reminds me that:
1. when you are cast in a story you may or may not get used.  2. You can’t take it personally and you have to trust the director
3. You will always be rewarded for just showing up.

Carry on prayer warriors. Carry on.